It is not a matter of if, but when.

Well, the Doomsday Clock has moved ever closer to Midnight and it is not a matter of if we are getting closer to the end, it is just a matter of when. As a Christian, I look at this with some mixed feelings. First, the worldly part me want it to be far away, get time to watch the rest of the Marvel Cinematic Universe movies and of course Godzilla, and maybe Star Wars.  But there is the part of me, which I hope is the greater of the two, that cannot wait to see the return of Jesus to get all this nonsense fixed.

It is painfully obvious that mankind just cannot correct the course he is going down on his own. Think about it, everyone wants peace yet we are so far away from it. And do not point the finger at one particular party or group, it is bigger than that. It is that 1%, (and even if it is that much) that are truly in control that wants this strife.

As we know, these people want all the resources for themselves and damn all of us for even thinking that we should get some to be able to survive.

They control all the inputs that we receive, radio, television, news by far, they determine world finance by manipulating the market and the money. (Something that has been done rather well by the Rothchild Dynasty.) For example here at home in the U.S.A., we have the Federal Reserve, who decides when and how many  ‘Treasury Notes’ are to be released without any kind of backing. (You want to talk about one of the greatest Ponzi schemes of all time.)

Here is how banks work, they take your money in accounts like savings, and other interest-bearing accounts and giving you 1 percent at most banks with some others a little bit higher, then loan that money with rates from 10% to 39% according to your credit rating. Now here is where the fun begins, saying Bank of XYZ has a total cash amount in their vaults of $10,000.00 they will easily loan out $100,000.00. Now they will pay 1% on the $10,000.00 which is $100.00 while charging, at minimum $10,000.00 for $90,000.00 of non-existent money. (Of course, it is more detailed than that, I am just setting this down in layman’s terms.) Now may heaven help you if you cannot pay back this non-existent money because they will take all the tangible items you have to pay this debt.

Disturbing huh? You do better saving your money in your mattress in some situations until that paper money is deemed worthless and I think that day will soon arrive. There will come a day that a can of tuna fish will be much more valuable than $10,000.00 in cash. And someone in desperation will kill you for the can.

Just one of the many tools that ‘The Powers That Be’ will use against the masses. And for those that think that there is no such thing as a ruling elite? Open your eyes and ears, they have become pretty blatant in the way they do things and you may know some of their names, not all because there are those even higher up who truly rule from the shadows.

They have shown their faces when it comes to politics here in the States, also in news, television shows, movies, and other forms of entertainment. You want to look at how a particular society works? Look at the way they entertain themselves. Remember The Roman Empire was at once thought to be the pinnacle of society, yet they entertained themselves with gladiatorial combat and even sacrificing human beings ferocious animals, even children, and infants.

Look at what is not playing on television, there is even a show about the devil walking about on earth, owning a club and assisting the LAPD. There is a television series based on the movie ‘The Exorcist’, reality television starts are ‘role models’ for the youth of today.

Where did it go wrong, well I can name a few in my humble opinion, we have been told that others know better when it comes to raising our own children, and we accepted it. Cell phones for use other than phone calls, I spend so much time on these accursed objects than I care to admit and I know I am not alone.

Spend time with those that you love, spend time with those who have no one to spend time with. That is how we get to a better place, together.

Forgive me for this rant being all over the place, it is what I do. Hahahahaha



I have moments, quite a few over my life where I become very angry with God. Simply because I just do not understand his plan. I become greatly frustrated in trying to understand why things keep happening to me. Some, if not most stem from choices I have made. And of course being human, this is a trap and quite frankly one that we all fall in.

My anger comes from loss. Losing a daughter, a mother, a brother, friends, the ability to work, losing love, and even losing faith. I have even lost things like creativity. But, I am humbled and reminded that there are reasons for everything, lessons if you will. A wise man once said that you learn more from the bad things that happen to you as opposed to the good things that happen. And I truly believe this is true.

I have seen life, I have seen death.

I have seen good, I have seen evil.

I have experienced things that have changed me on a fundamental level, some quite traumatizing and a couple that I have not gotten over and wonder if I ever will. But, all these events have made me into the person I am today. I wish I can say I am a good person through and through, I am not. I can say without a shadow of a doubt, I am not a bad person, stupid, yeah I’ll claim that one but bad or evil? No.

I know I wrote earlier that ‘faith’ is something I have lost. That is not the case today, my faith I have regained. I do backslide, who doesn’t? There is not one Christian who can claim that they do not. If you didn’t, you would not need Jesus. God knows I do.

I am a Christian, and humble about it. It does not put me on a higher pedestal, I and better than no one, regardless of their faith, ethnicity, or sexual preference. Who am I to judge anyone else when I have made a number of pure boneheaded maneuvers in my day. I have friends from various walks of life, and I love them all unconditionally, regardless if we agree on things, or agree to disagree. That is what makes life wonderful.

I do not know what is the purpose of this little rant, but I know these are some dark days and the way it is looking, it is going to get worse so that being said I want to say that I forgive any and all who did me wrong, regardless if I know about it or not, and I also pray that those who I have hurt or did wrong, please forgive me.

For all who read this, and even those who do not, I pray for you, and for those who do not believe in God like I do, please don’t be offended, if I pray for you, it is because I care about you and this is how I express it in the best way possible.

To those of you who I allow in my inner circle, and you know who you are, a special shout out and hugs all around.

May God bless you all and may he bless all those around you.


Wow, just wow. what is wrong with people? Well, I do know what is wrong with people, I just did not know that it would be as bad and as quickly as it has become.

We had some fool run his car into a rally which killed one person as I type this, and I stepped away from the FB group that I used to run because people just can’t get alone, or refuse to get along, who knows.

I know there are a number of people that do not see things as I do but that is fine, my faith does not require them to.

The signs of Jesus’ return points to it happening sooner than later and the sad thing is that a lot of people that I know will not make the Rapture much less make thought the Tribulation.

I pray that those who are left behind figure it out really quickly, but there will be those that will harden their hearts and no matter what they see they will not change.

I weep for those.

I pray for the self-haters, I pray for those who live in a state of anger and denial, I pray for those with addictions, I pray for those who are shut in, I pray for those who have nowhere to stay, I pray for those who have no one, I pray for the afflicted, and I pray for those in pain, physical, mental, & spiritual.

I pray for those I love, even if I do not like you right now, I pray for my family, both those by blood and those who either I have adopted or they adopted me.

I pray for those who have hurt me and betrayed me.

Most of all I pray for my son.


Well, it is just another late night and I am up because my mind will not settle down. Racing thoughts are the bane of anyone’s sleep.

One of the first things I must write is that Caleb, I love you and think about you daily, there are many reasons why I do not see you as much as I am sure that you would like and I pray that we will be able to sit down and just have a long conversation.

Now to business, you may wonder why I titled this little post ‘Why?’

Well, that is probably the best question one may ask.

I have had some losses these last few weeks and it seems that in my life, all the good things, or at least the things that I see as good, has been taken away from me.

And there are days that I genuinely do not know why.

I have not been a saint and I am sure that is one of the reasons, but why Lord?

Have I been that unworthy that I cannot be happy for any stretch of time?

Why are you testing me?

And being the idiot that I am I cannot see the why right now.

What is my why? I do not know anymore.

I try and not dwell in the past, but I keep getting haunted by dreams, the last vivid one was my brother and I watching a red meteor hit Earth and all this dust was kicked up then we had to hide from these creatures that just popped out of nowhere.

What does that mean?

Enough for now, my eyes are getting heavy. Maybe I will be able to sleep after all this.

Good night all and God bless.

Another wonderful rant.

I put these thoughts down and while I do I, at times dwell on the why.

Which brings me to today’s post.

Do people out there today know their why? In this day and age? I wonder in this day of instant gratification and short attention span. We have social media which a lot of times let us post our foolishness for the world to see, and I do literally mean the world.

When someone becomes upset in this day and age, they pull out their phone or computer and let the denizens of Cyberspace know their thoughts and emotions. Lots of times without thinking of the possible consequence.

And it is not just the average person but celebrities do it all the time, while people do get hacked online and stars I am sure are more of a target, but they also post some amazing thoughts in the heat of the moment which at times they regret later.

One becomes angry over something and at times those things that actually made us mad really were not the worth the effort that was expended in the first place. Then they post some kind of commentary then hit send.


Well, as of this writing I have two stories published in a unique anthology with two more stories coming up in two other anthologies.

Four stories, three more than I ever dreamed of.

I still am stunned about it,

I am a Published Author!!

Thank you, GOD, for letting me achieve a dream in the midst of a challenging life, made that way from my own inane choices.

Living with pain.

Dealing with chronic pain is not a fun way to live, even more so when your body metabolizes pain killers so quickly that to have the therapeutic effect that the average person would have is about 15 times the normal dosage. For example, I was given Dilaudid, which is one of that strongest legal painkillers at 4mg for, at the minimum 4 hours, that dosage lasts me about 5 minutes. For it to last me 4 hours, I would have to take about 15 pills which would damage my liver and my kidneys. So I have learned to focus past the pain and try to function as best that I can, also I do not let others know the level of pain that I am in because most do not understand, which also backfires at times where people think I am faking it to avoid working. I am not the only one who suffers like this, people with MS go through a hard time and so do people who suffer from Lyme Disease.

At this point in time, there are no cures for any of these issues and it is frustrating, so please if you hear or see someone suffering from a chronic condition, a little compassion, please.